Soap is not a condiment
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
