He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
