u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
