I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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