Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
