he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
