good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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