I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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