So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
its liver damage thursday
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
