is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
