Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
