My brain says no but my pants say off.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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