On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
