we're blogging at a bar
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My dick has a subreddit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
