BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
