When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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