it wasn't lemon gatorade
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
BRING THE BAGELS
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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