i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
im on a boat
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