I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
