Duck Duck Cougar?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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