thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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