1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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