you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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