I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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