It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
