I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
