He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
