guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
