i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
