bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
