Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
