every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
