if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
