So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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