we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
