If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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