True but thats because hes a fetus.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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