Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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