i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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