I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize