didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
