You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
