Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
