Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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