my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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