Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
