I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize