I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
