I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
