I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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