she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
