She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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