Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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