WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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