You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she peed on how many people?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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