What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
