He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
