why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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