I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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