This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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