I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
