He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
