No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
