Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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