I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
