just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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