she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
