We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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