I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
