bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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