Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We need to get me chipped asap
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
