Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I love you. Go after that dick
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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