you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
