I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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