We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
