The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
