i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dear god my vagina.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
